Gobbledygook

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Inspirational Thought For the Day


Death, like so many good movies, is sad. The young often fancy themselves immune to death. And why shouldn't they? At times life can seem endless, filled with belly laughs and butterflies, passion and joy, and good, cold beer.
Of course with age comes the solemn understanding that forever is but a word. Seasons change, love withers, the good die young. These are hard truths, painful truths - inescapable but, we are told, necessary. Winter begets spring, night ushers in the dawn, and loss sows the seeds of renewal. It is, of course, easy to say these things, just as it is easy to, say, watch a lot of television. But, easy or not, we rely on such sentiment. To do otherwise would be to jump without hope into a black hole, an endless abyss, falling through an all-enveloping void for all eternity. Really, what's to gain from saying that the night only grows darker and that hope lies crushed under the jackboots of the wicked? Who benefits from the knowledge that when a horse dies, it doesn't go to some blissful bluegrass pasture in the sky but is instead chopped into tiny pieces, some of which are made into glue? What answers do we have when we arrive at the irreducible realization that there is no salvation in this life, that sooner or later, despite our best hopes and most ardent dreams, no matter our good deeds and truest virtues, no matter how much we work toward our varied ideals of immortality, inevitably the seas will boil, evil will run roughshod over the Earth, and the planet will be left a playground in ruins, fit only for cockroaches and vermin.
There is a saying favored by clergymen and aging ballplayers: Pray for rain.
But why pray for rain when it's raining hot, poisoned blood?

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Say What You Mean, Then Live With What You Said. Please.

Michael Richards. Mel Gibson. Tim Hardaway. Imus. Countless politicians.

Stupid people? Probably not. Bigots? Perhaps, but certainly not in every case. Insensitive and egotistical, thinking they're above reproach? Definitely.

But the most baffling thing to me about these incidents is not so much that these people say these things in this YouTube, "politically correct" culture/generation. It's the even more head-scratching, you-can't-be-serious mea culpa campaign that's sure to follow in the ensuing 48 hours and the fact they're even granted a forum for their b.s.

Let's get him on the Jesse Jackson radio show! their PR person shouts. Call Sharpton! Get my client on tomorrow's show, the spin doctors insist.

But the spin and excuses their clients offer are often funnier than the stand-up routine Michael Richards was getting heckled for in the first place.

"I need you to help me with this anger I have inside," a soggy eyed Michael Richards -Seinfeld's Kramer - implored Jesse Jackson on the latter's radio talk show following Richard's nigger rant at Hollywood's Improv. And what a nigger rant it was!

“I’m not a racist. That’s what’s SO insane about this,” Richards insisted, his tone becoming angry and frustrated as he defended himself on the David Letterman Show.

(Cue corny, canned laugh track).

Umm...yeah. Whatever man. A tragi-comedy indeed.

The Miami Herald's sports reporter Dan Lebatard asked former NBAer Tim Hardaway how he would respond to having a homosexual teammate in response to the revelation by ex-player John Amaechi that he led a secret gay lifestyle during his NBA career.

"I hate gay people" Hardaway responded.

Dan Lebatard, a fan of Tim Hardaway after being a beat reporter for Hardaway's former team the Miami Heat, who considers Hardaway a friend and calls him "Timmy", was clearly taken aback by his response and gave him a chance to clear up or change his answer.

"I hate gay people" Timmy repeated with more conviction than the first answer.

He didn't seem bleary-eyed or under the influence. He was asked a direct question and gave in my opinion, an honest, direct answer.

This was Friday.

"Like I told my children, life is not easy." Hardaway told the Miami Herald. "This is a big bump I have to overcome. I'm going to deal with it like a champ. I've got to make sure people know I don't hate gay people."

This was Sunday.

(Cue corny, canned laugh track).

Radio personality Imus, a public relations nightmare and no stranger to controversy during his 20-plus year career was at it again with yet another insensitive overtly racist remark. This time the ire of his idiotic spewing were young athletes from Rutgers University's women's basketball team.

Two days after calling the players on the basketball team "nappy headed hos", Imus was on the mike with more spin than a DJ.

“Here’s what I’ve learned:" Imus started.

Wait! I feel an after school special coming on....

"... that you can’t make fun of everybody, because some people don’t deserve it,” he said.

Excuse me? What?

(Somewhere We Are The World is playing on an old, tiny record player. One with a turntable that drops the record when the one playing is done. Don't we all feel good now?)

Here's what I'd like to happen Mr./Mrs. booking agent, show producer. The next time, say, next week around this time when some entertainer, politician schmuck says something out his ass that's caught on tape then tries to get on your show to showcase their insincere sincerity, here's what you say:

Sorry man. No can do. You said it. You meant it. Now everyone knows.

Live with it.