Music Mandatory!

Recently, I learned that this 30-something year-old woman that I see regularly during my morning commute has come to the conclusion that she is, in fact, a lesbian.

This dude I see sometimes on the bus had to put his mother in a nursing home. His sister hasn't been out to visit her yet causing tension and a rift amongst the siblings.

A high school girl that frequently rides the same bus had sex with the captain of her school's football team and has been itching down there ever since. She doesn't want to go to the doctor because her doctor is a close friend of her parents.

How do I know all this?

While nearly 90% of Americans drive to work, mass transit (subway & bus service) is the primary form of travel for most New Yorkers. An estimated 4.5 million New Yorkers travel this way every weekday.

So, that's an estimated 4.5 million bullshit, nonsensical conversations you're subjected to twice a day from Monday through Friday not counting the bullshit you have to hear once you actually get to work.

My God! The shit people talk about in public is mind-boggling. Idiot, people are listening!

Forget the doctor knowing your dad if I ever see you with a man I believe is your father I'm putting your ass on blast strictly on GP - fool!

And it's always the same boring, ghetto, trifling shit: she needs to borrow $500 from her sister to buy her 8 year old son a PSP and the new Jordan VIIs because somehow her welfare check is late; he's calling his mother to wish her a happy Mother's Day and it's the Wednesday after; she's talking to one of her homegirls about how she had to beat down her man's baby's mama for lookin' at her the wrong way and she's 3 months pregnant with his baby but he doesn't know it yet.

No one talks on their phone in public about subjects that are useful to the general public. You'll never hear anyone doing a public service announcement on their cell phone. No one's talking about cures for cancer or the common cold or a great investment or stock tip. Never!

Teenage girls are the worst offenders. Or any female with a phone. God forbid it's a Nextel two-way so we're privy to what the brain surgeon on the other end is saying.

Teenage boys and young men are no better, especially when one of them starts pontificating about their sexual conquests. "Yo son, I had this bitch on her knees son, gaggin' n' shit, son!" Don't mind the grandmothers and elementary school children around. Just go ahead talking about your oral pleasure. It's all good. We're all very interested. Thanks for sharing.

Liar!

A few years ago a friend of mine had a party at his home after his son was christened. It was a family affair with children, aunts, uncles and grandmothers. He had a DJ at his house and what does the DJ decide to play at this family event? NWA. One of us goes to him and says "Money, that's not appropriate." So he puts on Method and Redman. "Foolio! This is a family event. Look around. What don't you understand about that?!" I was just waiting for 2 Live Crew. But it all comes down to the same basic lesson: you gotta know your audience.

So when I'm trapped on mass transit around a stupid conversation, or when I see a bunch of stupid people gathering around for a potential stupid conversation, or when I see a stupid looking person just staring at their stupid cell phone, I just reach into my bag for my music. Thank you Nas, Mos-Def, Seal, Kweli, De La, Jimi and everyone else in my playlist for the most necessary escapism, albeit temporary.

Lord knows there'll be plenty of stupid shit to listen to as soon as I reach the office.