Coffee Is For Drinking Only

God is a busy person, er, entity.

What with the wars, pestilence, famine, New York Knicks fans - myriads of people are vying for His time. (Love the word "myriad").

That's why I try not to bother Him unnecessarily. You know, I don't pray for things like a pay increase or a World Series victory...anymore. Sometimes you just gotta work with whatcha got.
But there are instances where you just find yourself immersed in justifiable supplication.

So I'm at this lounge in downtown Manhattan with my boy Tim. We're kicking back, catching up and it's time for work so I only have time for a few more, you know how it is. The bartender is someone that Tim knows so we're getting all these buybacks and next thing you know it's like Happy Hour and my frame is getting...a little...shall we say...bent.

Next day's phone conversation:

"Tim."
"Yes, this is Tim."
"Yeah, I know that's why said 'Tim'. Listen, the girl at the bar last night. How was she?"
"What girl?"
"You know, the sister we were with at the lounge, how did she look? Do you remember?"
"We were talking to girl at the lounge?"

So, the very next day the girl calls me. I forget her name so let's call her Olga. And I gotta tell you, Olga's got the goods over the phone. I mean, calling me the next day usually sends up signals of desperation but I know I could be a great conversationalist when a little toasty. I may not remember little details like your name or anything we spoke about but we seemed to have a good time so I somewhat disregarded the next day phone call rule. But the Shallow Hal in me still has no idea how she looks. Maybe she could help me out a bit.

"So, would you consider yourself light-skin or brown-skinnded because most people consider me light skin though I think I'm brown skin. What about you?"

"Oh, I'd say you're brown skinned."

OOOOkay.

"You have a nice body, you got to the gym?"
"You know, I was pretty much born this way."

She's not biting.

So now I'm committed to this Friday night date with someone that has a great voice and great personality and usually if a girl is too good to be true over the phone head for the hills, man. That ain't a good sign. (Why isn't "ain't" not really considered a word yet it's abbreviated?)

The plan was to meet in front of the theatre on 23rd street. I'm a block away and decide against praying for bionic vision for the reasons I stated earlier. Plus it would probably take about a week to kick in anyway. As I get closer to the box office, I notice a very light skinned woman, with a scrunched up face like something smells bad wearing coffee stockings in July with a cherub-like doesn't-say-no to dessert type chubbiness. Then I notice the very light skinned woman, with a scrunched up face like something smells bad wearing coffee stockings in July with a cherub-like doesn't-say-no to dessert type chubbiness waving at me.

"Hi, Askia. Have you decided on a movie?"

God I know I don't come to you too often because I know you have a lot to do and millions of folks are trying to get at you right now so I appreciate the time. I realize I should come to you more often just to thank you for certain things and I promise to do better in that department. But please don't let this be my date. For her sake, of course. I don't want to waste her time because I'm really not interested. I would be really, really, really, be appreciative if that wasn't her, again, for her sake. Please! Oh, and thank you for waking to another day.

There are so many things that shot through my mind other than "hello".

Here's a Public Service Announcement for the ladies. You don't have to read my blog, but you do, I'm very appreciative and occasionally I like to give back so here's a little something free of charge: there's not a single reason or occasion EVER where coffee stockings are acceptable unless someone calls you Grandma and you pay a discounted bus fare. By the way, Olga was my grandmother's name.

We decided on a movie.

"So what are we doing afterwards."
"Well, Olga on Saturdays I usually like to get up early and go to my uncle's farm and help him milk the cows. He's a paraplegic you know and needs my help so I usually like to get there around 3am so after the movie I'm gonna have to get you a cab."
"My name isn't Olga."

On top of everything else, I had to endure sitting through a 2-hour flick with a date wearing coffee stockings during a heat wave in the front row of the theatre!

I literally threw myself in front of a cab after the movie. I spent the rest of the night in a bar next to the movie theatre watching the Yankees lose to the Baltimore Orioles drinking nothing but Diet Coke.

Olga and I kept in touch for a while after that but eventually, for some reason, she lost interest.

Another thing about God - He has a wicked sense of humor.